Time To Breathe

The lights of Diwali have come and dissapeared, so have the TOK, philosophy IA and global politics IA deadline. As we are all trying to accept the predicted grades we got, which are going to define the rest of our academic carreer in a sense, I've heard the phrase 'Fuck the IB' more in the past two days than anytime before. It's funny to see how the cold, scarf-demanding weather in the morning makes some people so happy and others depressed with life. Sitting here on the library lawn, I can see the peak of two mountains somewhere far away and someone taking a nap in the shade of the art centre building. I hear one of my favorite teachers explaining things to first years which have now become so evident to me, and I remember how confused I used to be at this time of the year, last year. Sleeping together with friends has become the rule rather than the exception, so has it to skip meals in the caf and eat expensive cheese and cheap cookies instead. Some of the firstyears come talk to me because they have bad grades, and while giving them hugs and listening, all I really want to do is slap them in the face and shout that they should enjoy their firstyear as much as possible and not care about grades, because there will be enough time to cry over dissapointments. When I enter my courtyard and I freak out internally because that one annoying cat is napping there again, a smile appears on my face because, let's admit it, it is funny how my grandmom, my mom and me all have this crazy fear of cats (and all other animals, to be honest).

Life isn't all too bad, is it.

Mozarella, oil, pepper, salt, bread

Starbucks

Biodiversity Reserve at 5.45 PM

Home

Bombay Cab

Gateway of India

Mumbai Synagogue

Marine Drive, Mumbai

Ganesh

Room gatherings

Next week, we're leaving for projectweek so we will have finally have some time to breathe, which is nice. I'm excited to get to know firstyears beyond the level of 'hey how are you fine and you tired bye'. I will be in Pondicherry, which is a city and it used to be a French colony, so if I'm lucky I'll see and hear some French. If I'm extremely lucky, I'll have some French food. Imagine!

The hill

From the fact that I start recognizing the voices of firstyears, that the rain is as good as gone and that the mornings and evenings get colder, I can derive that it is mid October now, and that it's been two months already since I came back to my hill. Indeed, more than half of third term is done, and I almost have a break down everytime I think of the 25th of May, that horrible day when I'll have to leave this place behind. 

In the last few weeks, there have been quite some times when I wished I didn't have to be here. I'm drowning in work, and am often very confused about what I'm doing, or, more importantly, what I'm not doing. If you'd ask me, UWC-life and the IB aren't good partners, but who am I to claim this. It's hard to get out of bed, because you know the only thing you'll do until you go to bed again, is sitting in classes and studying, or at least attempting to. The joy I see on the first years' faces, makes me nostalgic, and I long back to the days where everything happened in a spontaneous way, where I'd do what I did just because I wanted to do it, or because it felt right to do it. Planning everything neatly every day, doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel right that I have to decide on a slot in the day in which I allow myself to go see friends, or in which I allow myself to read the newspaper. It doesn't feel right to not go to a talk because I have a deadline coming up, or to skip the global affairs session because I need to work on my EE.

But still. Still. When I go running with Gabi at 5.45 and we see the sun dissapearing under the hilltops and when I hear the laugh of a friend who lives in another wada, and when my roommate almost jumps on me out of happiness because her country isn't going to war anyway, when I come in my room after a day of work and find a note on my desk as I switch on my fairylights or when a firstyear offers me cookies because she knows I'm going through a hard time, when I have another cup of 'magic apple' tea or when my firsyear allows me to eat her candy she got from home for her birthday, when I complain to my roomies because the coffee shop didn't have brownies again or when I just sit in the back of the lawn next to the pool with Carole and we don't need words to understand, that's when I realize that no matter how difficult things might get, this is still the place where I want to be, and love to be.

MUWCI is situated on a hill, in a valley, and that has a meaning. It stands for the ups and downs we all have to face here. "It's the climb", as my friend's icon Miley Cyrus would say. Hah. It stands for the challenges that come along our way, for the times we fall down, but also for the times of getting to the top of a hill, experiencing new sights and feeling proud of ourselves for reaching something. That is what MUWCI is actually all about :)

(This is way to deep, and I'm such a hippie, but I couldn't give a fuck. Yay!)

Sleep, Socialize, Self-time, Study?

This weekend we had exeat (a long weekend free to travel/catch up with sleep/...), so now everyone is all fresh again and happy to start school again... supposedly, at least.

Things have been pretty weird here lately. I'd say the secondyear is, for a lot of people, an emotional rollercoaster: there is high stress, sadness and depression, altered with crazy moments of happiness. To be really honest, there is just too much work and too much pressure. In the first year, all we had to do was keep up with our classes; do subject-related homework (which is also a lot, trust me). The difference is that, this year, there is also the EE that needs to be worked on, the TOK-essay that needs to be finished, all the universities in the world need to be checked out until you find the perfect match and then you need to start applying to these perfect universities,etc. In addition, we are now at the time when for each of our subjects, we need to write an IA (Internal Assessment), which is A LOT of work and really important.

And while doing all of this, it is important that we remember why we are here, and what we actually want from this place and from ourselves. It seems that, because we came to a UWC, it is expected from us, and it is kind of our responsibility, to go to a fancy, prestiguous university somewhere in the US and continue for the rest of our life to study and work and live in all kinds of really high-class institutions. There is this pressure from different people which makes us think that what we want, is study hard and go to a "crazy cool" university and then live a "crazy cool" life, but we have to remember and life according to what we want ourselves, not what we are expected to want. It's true, the UWC-ness of this place is sometimes hard to find these days. One of my coyears put it into words: even the things we are passionate about, don't excite us anymore, because they are merely a part of our list, which we have to finish but never ends.
I was having a conversation about this with a good friend, and she reminded me of something which I, and with me a lot of other secondyears, had forgotten: we are here for a reason. We have the trust of our national committees, parents, family etc. that we are able to "be UWC", to combine the workload with socializing, with volunteering, with "making the world a better place". They had their reasons to send us here! We shouldn't forget that it is not just our responsibility to get good grades, it is even more so to contribute positively to this community, and through this community to the bigger scene. 
It is really hard to stay optimistic when you know that all you'll be doing in the next few days, is working for school, going to your (compulsory) actvities you've chosen, eat and sleep a bit. Sometimes it's just easier to lay in your bed and not do anything but (I can't say this enough, sorry) we (I) shouldn't forgot what it means to be here!

Sadly, exeat's behind the back. It was really nice to have three days without thinking about school, or even about MUWCI at all. For the first time since last August, I didn't feel happy coming back to this place after a holiday, and that saddens me a lot because this place has always brought me so much happiness. However, I've realized that it's up to me to change this feeling. I need to prioritize myself: do I want to study a lot and go to a nice university somewhere in the world, or do I prioritize the UWC-experience and see what happens after all? Where is the perfect balance? How can I get there? Can I get there?

This blogpost might sound really depressing, but it doesn't have to be. This quote has been used waaaaay to often, but i'll use it anyway: "be the change you want to see in the world"

Love always