And when I was younger...

*A censored diary entry*

I would cry in my bed because the babysitter wouldn't open the door when she was putting us in bed, and I knew it was my dad standing at the door because he forgot his keys and he left only ten minutes ago but who was I to listen to?
I would stand in the rain on a sunday afternoon on the square next to the scouts-building and I would experience the rain like I never did before.

I  would build camps in the basement with my brothers and we would make drinks based on speculaas, orange juice and coke that was overtime.

I would give my mom massages and sell 'paintings' in the home across the street for 5 euros, and people would buy it.

I would take care of my little cousin like she was my life and bring my little barbie-purse everywhere I went.

I would wear my long green skirt and everyone would be jealous and I would turn and turn and turn around in it until I fell down. I would wear my jeans-skirt with in the middle a little bit of 'carpet', with a dog on it. I believe its name was Chippie, but I'm not sure anymore.

I would bathe in the little plastic pool in the garden and wear pink sunglasses with flowers on them.
I would long to go to high school, because that would mean going for shopping everyday and I would get pocketmoney and would finally be an independent strong woman. 

And now I have an English essay due friday, a Philosophy essay due Monday, an oral presentation due next friday, a Global Politics presentation due two weeks.
And now I'm going to travel in India for nine days without parents, with a group of friends.

And now I have to choose if I want to study, why I want to study, where I want to study and what I want to study.

And now I'm going to work for a month to gain some money for summer.
And now my grandpa is really sick and I will have to say goodbye to someone for the first time in my life.

And now I long to go to primary school again, because I would completely go up in the fights we had and I'd  act like I was Mega Mindy, the superwoman of my generation, and I would sing High School Musical with my best friends in the whole world who I would never ever leave and never ever forget.

I'm scared. Is it okay to be scared?

Louise